People are Givers or Takers – There is Nothing in between…..
Every person can be clearly identified as one of these types of people. The Givers, and the Takers.
I love the definition of the Giver. It’s very clear. There are 2 specific parts of the definition that stick out to me the most. Voluntarily and Without Expecting Compensation
The act of taking; to get into ones hold or possession by voluntarily action.
The definition of a taker was a bit harder to come by, and discern. It was derived from the verb, to take. It does highlight the voluntarily action of taking, and that’s significant!
Now that we can fairly consider the Giver and the Taker, and who they are. Let’s take a look at how the 2 types of people might respond in different situations.
You’ve got a ‘couple-a-kids’…..
As one child the grows up, they seem to enjoy doing chores for their parents, without being asked. They hardly ever ask for things, because of the help they provided, but because they simply want something – Giver.
Another child, does chores for their parents after they come into their room for the third time, requesting the trash be taken out. The kid says that they took the trash out last week, or asks if they can do it for them this time. Maybe even ‘give’ the chore to a sibling – Taker.
You’ve got a ‘couple-a-girls’…..
On girl grows up making craft projects, coloring pictures, and spending an hour trying to pick out the perfect card for a loved one to say thanks. She loves surprising loved ones with her ‘labors of love’. Just seeing their faces makes her feel awesome. Making people feel good is what motivates her – GIVER.
Another girl always rushes out at the last-minute to grab the first gift she can for a specific loved one. She doesn’t do this for all of her loved ones, only the ones that give her the best gifts. She knows she can ask Grandma for a cell phone if she grabs her favorite candy bar near the cash register. Granny is none the wiser – TAKER.
A seemingly dutiful employee goes into his bosses office, uninvited, to check in with him. He knows he is under a lot of stress. He begins to offer help every chance he gets. He stops by like clockwork each day to execute this strategy, 3 months before the next promotion cycle starts. He knows, that by doing this, he might be viewed differently as promotion packages are reviewed. Because of the stress the head man-in-charge is under, he doesn’t notice that this is the same ineffective and inefficient person that has worked for him for the past 3 years. Everyday, from September through December you’ll hear:
- “How are you sir?”
- “How’s the wife?”
- “Nice shoes, really snazzy!”….blah blah.
You’d never know he had an angle – TAKER.
Another employee makes several trips to the copier, supply closet, and common areas each week. He walks past the bosses office on the way. One day he happens to notice that his boss he has an aquarium. Then he notices an issue of Bait and Tackle, a magazine he also subscribes to. Then he notices what could be an autographed baseball on his desk. The coincidences seem just keep coming. The employee also loves baseball, fishing, and enjoys caring for his own home aquarium. The next time he and ‘the boss’ are getting coffee at the same time, he asks him about the fish he has in his tank. The boss drags him into his office, to show-off and discuss the fish. After they cover, family life, all types of aquatic creature, kids, and swap stories about their greatest baseball memories. They both become eerily aware of the amount of time that has gone by, and they both get back to work. The employee makes sure he pokes his head into his bosses office, they have a few short talks each week.
This employees is a good worker, and a straight shooter. The boss takes notice, and…..maybe something good comes from this, maybe it doesn’t. The relationship is genuine, unforced, and angle free. No one knows what might come from this. But, they both now see themselves ‘hanging-out’ together outside of work. They begin to develop a relationship. A relationship purely motivated by mutual interests – GIVER.
Reasonable Look at your life.
I’m going to ask questions, and put a bit of my own business out there for everyone to see. That’s just how I am (this could get me in trouble). I’d like you to answer some of the same questions about your own life and associations. Evaluate yourself and your friends and family as GIVERS or TAKERS like I did. Remember you can only be 1 or the other.
- Are Your Kids GIVERS or TAKERS?
- Do your kids help around the house cheerfully, without you asking?
- My kids do, just not as much as I would have liked. I had to sit down with them and make sure they didn’t turn out to be little takers. Outlining how much mom and dad do for them, and for the house, in a way they could understand really helped. Helping them to understand a theme that, ‘we are in this together’. That helped to brighten their moods when doing chores. They now understand what it means to give and to take. They just needed a little perspective.
- Do they your kids ask for things, and constantly highlight what they did, only to highlight their worthiness?
- They’d better not! OK sorry…a more Reasonable Response would be me saying to my children something like, “Maybe I should start to keep count just like you guys.” I’ll wonder out loud, “What should I get for paying the bills, cutting the grass, making dinner, picking you up from school, changing diapers……” That list could go on and on.
- PERSPECTIVE. You must make them into GIVERS. We are born TAKERS, we’ve just got to be molded.
- Are You a GIVER or a TAKER?
- I try to be a GIVER. I really do. I mess up a lot though. My mom is a YELLER, and so am I. My dad is extremely opinionated. I am as well. I had to take a Reasonable look in the mirror at myself. Did I like what I saw? Mostly, but that’s not enough for me. Everyday I have to try my best to Reasonably not yell, unless necessary. To not argue, unless it matters. I’m a Giver, and I know that won’t change. But I can be pushy. That’s about as bad as it gets. I’m not a wired TAKER. I never look at it as ‘what’s in it for me.’ Or maybe my yelling, and opinionated parents, changed my PERSPECTIVE, and turned me into a GIVER.
- My mom and dad both go out of their way. TOO FAR, if you ask me. To help family, and those they deem, friends. No matter how bad the friend, or enabled the family member, they will bend over backwards for them. I’ve seen it first hand. Alcoholics, the dishonest, the frustrated, the confused, They’ve given to them all. Sometimes they give to their own detriment, but that’s another post for another day. They both are GIVERS. I’ve never thought about it so deeply, until I wrote that sentence. My parents are GIVERS. That’s pretty cool to be certain of.
- Are Your Parent’s or Guardians GIVERS or TAKERS?
- When I was younger I can remember them seeming, selfish and dominant at times. They’ve seemed liked TAKERS in the past, which made me angry. I know now, that I was probably being a bit unReasonable in my categorization of them. They are GIVERS, and that’s worth something, a whole LOTTA SOMETHING actually.
- They are usually all-in when they help anyone. My mom always wants to GIVE me/others her time, to help paint a room, cook a meal, or drive to another state. My dad always GIVES his time and knowledge, to anyone who will listen. He has never failed to, drop everything to help me with some electrical issue at my house, a nagging question about women, or he just lets me vent. They both have GIVEN large parts of themselves to people. Well, beyond what could be considered Reasonable, and they continue to do so.
- Is Your Best Friend a GIVER or TAKER?
- I used to have a ‘bestie’. My bestie, would always call me. They would always call when they wanted advice with something. My bestie would always stop by my house to see what was there to eat. My ‘bestie’ always asked to borrow money. I always GAVE things to my bestie. They were my ‘bestie’ after all!
- Whenever I NEEDED a ride. My ‘bestie’ wasn’t ever going to that side of town. They’d never have any money to lend me, if I came up a bit short. My ‘bestie’, was a TAKER.
- We were balanced, I had no idea what I was – GIVER. And I had no idea what they were – TAKER. But when I found out, I really took a hard look to see if I was HAPPY with my ‘bestie’. I wasn’t.
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A famous quote comes to mind:
‘You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.’
– Jim Rohn
Are the people you spend most of your time with, GIVERS or TAKERS? They can only be one or the other.
What does that REASONABLY make you? Let me know.
I’ll leave you with this. I want you to remember, this above all other things.
Givers can Take, and Takers can Give. Don’t get confused, slow down. With the right Reasonable Perspective you’ll see who is really a GIVER, and who is a TAKER.
Don’t let a singular action define the person. Look at everything. Then judge. Only Judge.
‘I don’t know that it is bad to judge, that seems to be human nature.
Condemnation is not for human consumption, it must be left to higher powers.’
Justin McKnight – ReasonableDose